HITOKIRI USAGI
by Jedi Brother Horace
Summary: At the height of Shishio Makoto's terror, the Meiji government calls on a legendary Hitokiri to deal with the meance... And it's not Himura Kenshin.


May 7, 1878

Kamiya Dojo

(Outside the gate, Toshimichi Okubo gets on his carriage, whilst Kenshin and Kaoru watch)

Kenshin: Okubo-san...

Okubo: (turns around to face him)...

Kenshin: I will consider your offer.

Okubo: (smiles) I hope you realize how truly important this matter with Shishio Makoto really is.

(He then gets on the carriage as Kawaji follows him)

Kawaji: We'll see you in one week! On May 14th.

(Kawaji then shuts the door as the carriage rides off. Kenshin watches it disappear unto the darkness)

***

(Inside the carriage)

Kawaji: Sir?

Okubo: Yes?

Kawaji: Was it really necessary to call on Battousai?

Okubo: He may be our country's last hope.

Kawaji: But why him sir? Why not the other one? After all was he not the one who-

Okubo: (visibly irritated) Don't you dare mention him in my face again. Need I remind you what happened, the last time we set him loose?

(Kawaji wisely keeps his mouth shut)

***

ONE WEEK LATER

May 14, 1878

Ministry of Home Affairs

(Kawaji grips his desk in frustration, as he has just heard the news of Okubo's death)

Kawaji: No...I can't allow this to happen...

(He then gets up and heads outside the station)

Police Guard: Chief? Where are you going?

Kawaji: Out. 

(The guard looks confused but says nothing as Kawaji heads out the gate)

Kawaji: (thinking) Forgive me Minister, but I have no choice but to call on him.

***

ONE MONTH LATER...

KYOTO HARBOR

The Rengoku Battleship

(Kenshin, Saitoh, along with Shishio, Soujirou, Houji and Yumi are on the deck of the Rengoku)

Shishio: (sneering) So you two have finally arrived. And doubtless you've already guessed my plan. But you're too late…

(Kenshin and Saitoh get ready to spring into action, when a huge explosion rocks the Rengoku)

Shishio: WHAT?!!!!!

Kenshin: Yatta! Sano must have blown up the ship's armory!

Saitoh: (smirking) Hmph. So that idiot proved useful after all.

(Just then a very wet Sanosuke climbs on deck)

Kenshin: Sano! Good job!

Sano: Eh? What're you talkin about?

Kenshin: (surprised) Didn't you blow up the ship?

Sano: I fell into the sea you baka! All the grenades got wet!

Saitoh: (coldly) If not you. Then who-

(Just then a figure steps through the smoke)

Rabbit: (nibbling on a carrot) Nyeah. That would be me.

(This brings out a number of responses from everyone)

Kenshin: ORO?

Sano: EH?

Saitoh: (looking in fear) no...

Sojirou: ARA?

Houji: HUH?

Yumi: WAH! KAWAII!

Shishio: (hysterical) YOU!!!!

(Everyone turns to Shishio, who has a very insane look on his face and pointing frantically at the Rabbit)

Rabbit: (sees Shishio and starts acting cutesy) Ohuhuhu! Shishio! It's so nice to see you again!

(The mummified hitokiri shudders in horror, and before anyone can blink, jumps off the starboard bow and into the deep blue sea.)

Shishio: (swimming for dear life) NO! NOT AGAIN!

(Sweatdrops grow on everyone's heads as they see Shishio swim desperately towards the bay)

Shishio: (shouting back at the Rengoku) Battousai! We meet on Mount Hiei for the fate of Japan!

Sojirou: (jumping into the bay after him) Shishio-san! Matte!

Yumi: (jumps in as well) Shishio-sama!

Houji: (also jumps in) Shishio-sama!

(Kenshin and Sano continue to watch in disbelief, and then turn to the Rabbit who looks at them with a confused expression)

Rabbit: (shrugs) Hmmm. Rabbit haters. (then sees Saitoh edging towards the port side and smiles) Hey! If it aint Big Wolfy! How's it going Doc?!

(Saitoh yelps and in a perfect imitation of Shishio, jumps into the water and swims at maximum velocity towards the bay)

Rabbit: (shrugs once more) Oh well. Easy come easy go.

(He then dives into the ocean as well, leaving Kenshin and Sano dumbfounded on the sinking Regoku)

Sano: Kenshin?

Kenshin: Hai?

Sano: What the hell just happened?

Kenshin: I have no idea de gozaru...

***

****

HITOKIRI USAGI

Or

Rurouni Bunny

A Rurouni Kenshin 

Parody/Crossover

By

Jedi Brother Horace

__

****

Part 1: The Terror Returns

***

(Back on Mount Hiei, Shishio Makoto is shaking in fear at the events that occurred today. Beside him a concerned Yumi tries her best to comfort him, while the rest of the Juppongatana look at him in confusion)

Shishio: (stuttering) Bu…bu…bu…bunny…

Yumi: (worried) Shishio-sama…

Usui: (looking in contempt) Heh. Why so afraid, fearless leader?

Houji: (angry) Usui! Show some respect!

Kamatari: Could someone explain to me what happened?

Soujiro: I have no idea Kamatari-san. One minute Shishio-san was in complete control, then the moment he saw that harmless looking bunny, he…

(Soujiro doesn't get a chance to finish, as his mentor suddenly grabs him by the arms and is screaming in his face.)

Shishio: (livid) HARMLESS?!! HARMLESS?!! THAT BUNNY IS FAR FROM HARMLESS!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!

Soujirou: (nervous) eheh…Whatever you say Shishio-san…

Yumi: (places a soothing hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him) Perhaps if you explained it to us Shishio-sama…then maybe we can-

Shishio: (then turns to Yumi with that same desperate and fearful look) NO!!! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!! NOTHING CAN STOP THAT RABBIT!!! NOT EVEN ALL OF YOU COMBINED COULD DEFEAT HIM!!!

(The entire Juppongata look stunned at their leader's statement. All of them except for Usui, who continues to look with barely hidden amusement, and Soujirou, who still looks clueless really to all that is happening.)

Usui: (chuckling) Heh. Some leader you turned out to be…

Houji: (yells) USUI! (then turns to Shishio once more) Shishio-sama…please…just tell us why that rabbit has gotten you so on edge…

Shishio: (still shaking from fear) It happened during the Bakamatsu…

***

Misao: EHHH?!! It wasn't you then who blew up Shishio's ship?

(The scene switches to the interior of the Aoiya. The Oniwabanshuu, along with Kaoru and Yahiko, are gathered around Kenshin and Sanosuke, who tell them of the events at the harbor. To one side, a bandaged Okina is resting with Omasu tending to him.)

Sanosuke: Yeah. My damn luck that I missed that last floatin piece of wood…

Yahiko: That's cause you're such a klutz.

(Yahiko yelps as Sano bops him on the head.)

Sanosuke: Urusee, brat.

Yahiko: TEMEE!!!

Kaoru: (ignoring the tussle between the two) So who blew up the ship then?

Kenshin: (rubs his head in embarrassment) Well, it was the strangest thing. As soon as the smoke cleared, this rabbit stepped forward and-

(At the mention of the word "rabbit", Okina's eyes snap open. And with blinding speed, grabs Kenshin by the shoulders and looking at him with wide eyed horror.)

Okina: HIMURA-KUN!! I DIDN'T JUST HEAR YOU SAY "RABBIT" NOW DID I?!

(Massive sweatdrops form on the heads of those present. Even Yahiko and Sano stop their wrestling match.)

Kenshin: (looking back nervously) Oro. Okina-dono. I did say that-

(Okina however, just drops the stunned rurouni to the floor, and drops to the floor himself blubbering out words.)

Okina: No…It can't be…

Misao: (stomping over to him) Oi Jiya! What the hell are you talking about?!!

Okina: (grabbing Misao by the shoulders) THE TERROR HAS RETURNED!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!!

(Misao responds with a Kecho Geri)

Misao: Come on! What's so terrifying about a rabbit?!

Voice: Ahou ga.

(Surprised, everyone turns to find Saitoh standing by the doorway with an ever present cigarette in his hands.)

Saitoh: You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what that rabbit is capable of, weasel girl.

Misao: (incredelous stare) NANI?!!

Sano: (smirking) Ha! Don't tell me you're afraid of that damn rabbit!

Saitoh: I am.

(Shock is evident on everyone's face at Saitoh's admission. Especially Kenshin, who has a hard time believing his old rival would admit to such weakness.)

Saitoh: (furiously puffing at his cigarette) That bunny is the most dangerous creature to ever walk this land. (stares at Kenshin) Even more dangerous than you Battousai.

(More silence, coupled with some sweatdrops. Finally, Kenshin breaks the silence by asking the burning question on everyone's lips)

Kenshin: Saitoh. Tell us. What do you know of this rabbit?

Saitoh: (sighs) It happened during the Bakamatsu...


End file.
